I remember getting sent to the corner when I was little. Although I cannot EVER remember doing anything to deserve it. Haha. I was an angel! I hated being in that corner. I was isolated and had to keep my nose pressed against the wall or my time would get extended. It was dark in that corner and dusty and sometimes had spider webs. You couldn't see anything from that vantage point and it would make me go cross-eyed. Everyone would see me in the place of shame and giggle. I was humiliated. I am a middle child and consequently a people pleaser and nothing hurts my feelings more than to know that I have disappointed someone. I would promise myself to never do anything to get me back in this place. Ever! But yet somehow found myself there over and over.
You ever been in trouble? The walk to the principals office or even to your boss's office can be gut wrenching and your heart starts pounding and you think, "What did I do?" You play scenarios over in your head about why you are getting called in. Well, that is what I do. I guess I have a guilty conscious!
There are many times in my life as an adult that I can remember where I felt like a failure. I wasn't able to follow through with something or I felt bad because of a missed opportunity. I should have known better! I would beat myself up. I remember being ashamed one particular time and I continued to tell God in prayer that I was sorry. I was sorry that I didn't obey the still small voice, I was sorry that I didn't listen to instructions and messed up a situation that He was working on through me. I was sorry that I lost my temper and said something that I couldn't take back. I found myself feeling like I should be punished. I found myself actually saying, "I don't deserve your love and compassion. I don't deserve your grace. I don't deserve your mercies."
God gently reminded me that NEVER was there a time that He ever sent me into a corner because of my failures. NEVER was there a time that He chastised me and told me to isolate myself in shame. NEVER did He ever tell me to go to my room with head hanging low to think about what I have done. But He ALWAYS has been faithful to direct me when I was lost. He has ALWAYS helped me up, dusting off the shame and setting me on the right path. He has ALWAYS used the trials that I have encountered to make me better and to grow me. He isn't frowning at me and pointing his finger towards the corner.
"My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
That is the great thing about Mercy. It is the withholding of a punishment that we really do deserve. It is all about what we should have gotten but because of the gift of grace and the extension of mercy it is withheld. We want to put ourselves in the corner of shame and the cool thing is that God wants to put us in a place of mercy. Mercy is like seeing a prison and knowing that you should be in it and being oh so grateful that you are free! He wants to give us one of the greatest gifts and it is like we are turning our noses up and refusing to take it. Jesus died so that all of these things could be given freely to whosoever will.
So give yourself a break when you mess up....look up, acknowledge it and receive the forgiveness. Stop punishing yourself. You are ever so deserving of His gifts and you have to remember who you are...it is a right and a privilege of a child of the King. Aren't you glad that His mercies are new every morning?
Adjust That Crown
Jonna
